is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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