the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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