I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
