I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
