We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
