I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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