Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
