She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
