I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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