My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize