Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
