I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
