a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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