When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
