420 ftw
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
