Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
