it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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