I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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