How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
