I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
