We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
