yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
