found the other keg... it's in the tree
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
