I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
