I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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