I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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