There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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