I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
