history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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