oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
