I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Welp...herpes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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