At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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