Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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