I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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