I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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