I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
