so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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