Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
