Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
