belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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