Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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