Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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