is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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