it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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