Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
