she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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