My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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