I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
