Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
