well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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