He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
