i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
