U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
