how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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