I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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