I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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