sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
