I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
