Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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