shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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