i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
