and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
