Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
