her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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