Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
