I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
