Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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