i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
