in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
