I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
