grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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