Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
