Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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