don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
