I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
