Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
