i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
FUCK WHALES
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