dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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