i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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