Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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