if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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