I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize