No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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