You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
