don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize