Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
