the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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