sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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