where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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