I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
