He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
