I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
