I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize