hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
