Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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