woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
