woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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