pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
