Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
