why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this is an emotional support booty call
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
