the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
