dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
