Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
