That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize