Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
